JWW Board Member Diana Buckhantz and Director of Policy and Programs Mike Brand are traveling in the Democratic of Republic of Congo’s eastern provinces to work with survivors of the country’s decades-long conflict, which has claimed nearly six million lives. They are meeting with JWW’s partners on the ground, with whom JWW works to create innovative programs and projects that change lives and transform communities. This is Diana’s sixth trip to Congo with JWW, and Mike’s first as a staff member of JWW. For more information on supporting the projects described, please contact Jewish World Watch at info@jww.org.
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Culture is a funny thing. It brings longstanding traditions, stories, values, songs, food, and more. In many ways culture embodies what it means to be human, and what it means to belong to a certain group. There are many things in our various cultures that are positive, but sometimes a longstanding cultural practice or way of thinking, passed down generation to generation, needs to change. That’s where Sons of Congo comes in.
Sons of Congo, a program run by JWW-partner organization Africa New Day, targets men to change the way they think about their masculinity, their family, and how they treat women. By getting at the root cause of gender-based violence and violence against women, something that is widespread throughout the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC), and targeting men, Sons of Congo is changing the lives of individuals, families, and whole communities.
We met with a small group of men, all of whom graduated from the Sons of Congo program and are now continuing their work with this small group in their community. The small group meets regularly to discuss various issues, find ways of helping the community, and to recruit more men into the Sons of Congo program.
These men were very open with us, talking about how things were before the Sons of Congo program, and how things have changed since. One man stood up and told us, “Before, I never spoke to my kids or my wife. Sons of Congo told us to go home and sit and talk with our families. I sat down and spoke to my kids, I told them to feel free and speak with me about anything that was on their minds. They were shocked. One of my daughters told me she was afraid of me, and worried that I would beat her if she spoke. It was difficult to hear.”
Other men chimed in with very similar stories. How they never thought to speak openly with their children. I asked the group if it was typical for men to not speak with their kids, they all said yes. None of their fathers ever spoke to them. One man even said because he never felt love from his father, he felt worthless. And now he realizes that he should be different with his family.
Another man shared, “Before Sons of Congo I thought my wife was worthless and could not help me in anything. The program helped me realize she could be helpful. She studied biochemistry in school and could work. I helped her open a small pharmacy, and when I lost my job she ended up making enough money to feed our family.”
We heard story after story that were very similar. “We used to think that giving money to women to study was to throw away your money, because you would not see a return on your investment.” It is difficult to break longstanding cultural practices and gender roles, but Sons of Congo is doing it Pole Pole — “slowly slowly” in Kiswahili.
We asked the men why they had a wife and kids if they didn’t want to talk to them, care for them, love them. They responded that generally, you have kids to present the image of having a family, of being a strong man. The thought of having kids to love them, or a wife whom you respect and support, was completely foreign to them before the Sons of Congo program.
In addition to changing how the men think about these issues they also leave Sons of Congo feeling empowered, feeling like they have value. “I didn’t know who I was before. I felt worthless. Before the Sons of Congo program it was impossible to stand up and speak out. I had no self-confidence and thought no one would listen to me. The Sons of Congo program made me feel like I could have my voice heard and people would listen to me.”
In a country where gender-based violence and brutal instances of rape is endemic in some communities, it is essential that men’s mindsets change and they feel empowered to stand up and fight against these practices. There are some tremendous civil society leaders here, but in order to effect lasting change, individuals need to rise up. Sons of Congo is helping to make that change, one man, one family, one community at a time.